I know You’re there, God. It’s me, Laura. I guess you know that I’ve been struggling for quite some time about what to do here in this space. Seeking The Still has been my quest for several years now.
Ever since You whispered the idea to me on a springtime day, and I ran inside to spill out the design and story on this page. I know You have a purpose for these words …I just wish I knew what it was because I don’t feel like I’m making a lot of progress in this journey.
I’m feeling rather melancholy today. I know…no surprise there. It’s the start of a new year and I’m wishing that You’d offer a bit more clarity about how You want me to shape the days and moments that lay just ahead. I want to make some resolutions. Fill up some to-do lists and come up with a plan. The problem is, for the first time in a long time, I don’t know what it is I’m striving for. Another baby? Not sure. Time to move? Maybe, maybe not. Write a book? Take some classes? Don’t know about those, either. It’s crazy, right? This drive I have to define and map out the future. I’m sure it drives You nuts. I know it drives my family nuts. Why can’t I just seek the still…be content in today, instead of worrying about where I need to go tomorrow.
TRUST ME. I’ve heard You whisper that a lot lately, and I feel it down to my toes. So, why does it have to be so hard?
You’ve given me more than I’ll ever need. I’m blessed beyond measure, yet I’m always asking for more. I’m sorry for that. Sometimes I think I get it completely. I can bask in Your Goodness and Mercy and feel perfectly content. And then, just like that…it’s gone and I’m back in my own pity party again. Do You ever get tired of forgiving me? I know Your Word says You don’t, but it’s got to get old. Thanks for loving me in spite of all the muck I bring along with me. It’s the one thing that keeps me going.
So at the start of this resolution-less year, I guess what I’m asking for is some direction. Help me to listen…to be awake enough to know Your plans. And please give me the courage to follow wherever you lead. Thanks for loving me.