I feel wide and vulnerable these past days. Like I’m standing on the edge of a precipice staring down at dots of things below. In the past, I fled from days like this. Honestly, I still want to flee. I’m tempted to start googling “anxiety & depression cures.” Ok, maybe I already have. But I know what happens when I start trying to figure everything out: I feel less peace and more anxiety than before.
There doesn’t have to be a reason for me to feel tired and sad, with my heart bare and open for all to see. It just is. I’m doing my best to get on with life, remembering that feelings are temporary.
The girls see it in my eyes, though. They give me more hugs and more I love yous. I am grateful for each one.
As I wade through these current waters, there are a few ways I remind myself to seek the still and not panic. Here are some of things I say.
Walk toward your fear, Laura. Respect it and give it space. See where it leads you.
You are not alone.
You worship a God of miracles. He can use your current circumstances to do something beautiful.
Give thanks. Yes, it’s difficult when all you want to do is scream and cry. Do it anyway. Not to get rid of the fear and sadness, but to magnify the beauty all around you.
Take a walk. You always feel better after a walk, even if you don’t feel like going.
Write. Always write.
Share. To someone, anyone. Get the words out of your head. Ask for help and support.
Hope. There is always hope. You don’t know what’s right around the corner. It just might be amazing.
Listen. To music, to the playful kids. Listen with your heart as well as your ears.
Pray. God knows what you need. He doesn’t require the perfect words or posture, He just wants you.
Receive. There is boundless love and light surrounding you. It’s ok if you don’t feel it right now. Just remember it’s there.
Read. Absorb God’s promises. They are true. Every single one.
Cry if you want to. The yucky feelings are ok.
Breathe and then breathe some more.
And if you forget to do any of these things, it’s ok. Just let go and be.
What do you tell yourself when you’re on the edge?