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I close my eyes and breathe. Letting go of the chaos in my mind requires a deep exhale and a shift. It’s easy to talk to God, but I’m still learning to listen.

When it happens, my heart stills in wonder. It’s not an audible voice. More like a deep knowing from within. And peace. Lots of peace.

In Old Testament Bible days people literally heard the voice of God out loud. Then God spoke through the prophets. When the time was right, He spoke through His Son. And now He speaks within.

What do you have for me today, Lord? I’m listening. I’ve set down my agenda and laid my fears at your feet. Help be open to your spirit. Please speak.

In recent days, I’ve been opening notebooks and journals from the past 18 months. Most of them are filled with stream of conscious writing. I was processing so much that writing helped me get it out of my head and into the world where I could see the truth a bit more clearly. Sometimes I wrote letters to myself or to Jesus.

Occasionally, I did something different. I listened. I closed my eyes and held a vision of Jesus in my mind. I set my pen on the paper and wrote what I heard Him saying to me. Did I really hear Him? I believe so. The messages that came from my pen were words of hope, complete opposite of the fearful voice that filled my head.

I came across a page I wrote on 7/12/14, ten days after I removed my mask and in the midst of some of my deepest despair. Here’s what it said:

What I Hear God Saying to Me…

You are closer to healing than you think.

I will give you the strength you need to carry on.

It may not always be comfortable, but it will always be doable with me.

Do not doubt me or you will be like a wave tossed on the wind.

Let go and trust me. You will be healed.

Don’t fight the fear, give it to me instead.

Rejoice always!

Be still and know that HE is God. Listen…

31daysThis series is not a tidy story of a fairy tale life.  It is messy and truthful.  For 31 days, I will share pieces of my journey, practical coping techniques for dealing with anxiety, spiritual insights, emotional struggles, and a whole lot of other.  I will likely  jump from here to there as the Spirit leads.  I invite you along as I share my experience, my strength, and my hope.  Please check this page every day in October for the latest post or sign up to receive new posts directly in your inbox.  Thank you for being part of this journey with me.  Together, we shall seek the still.